I first became introduced to pornography in the mid-1980s, when a friend and I would sneak into his father’s bedroom and take his porn magazines. I quickly became hooked and spent the next twenty years of my life progressively becoming further and further entrenched in sexual sin. While in high school, I became acquainted with pornographic movies. I also started having sex with girls, getting drunk, chewing tobacco and experimenting with marijuana. In college, I sunk deeper into sin, as all four of these things became a regular occurrence for me. Additionally, at this time, I had greater access to pornographic material and, with my lustful heart and seared conscience; I took full advantage of it.

I grew up learning a man-achieved salvation, so I foolishly thought that my occasional good deed and worldly accomplishments would be good enough for the day when God called me to account for my life. However, in my late twenties, the Holy Spirit began to work in my life, as I began to feel the weight of my sins. At this point, my sexual sin was habitual; despite my regular vows to get a handle on pornography, I found that I had no control over the situation. I felt extremely guilty and knew I had a problem, but I didn’t know what to do about it. In June of 2004, I married my wife, and was able to hide my secret life of habitual sexual sin from her. However, in January of 2005, my guilt and shame became unbearable, so I confessed everything to her. The next several months were spent trying to restore our relationship, and in July of that same year, I gave my life to Christ at a Promise Keepers conference. That same summer, we moved to Cleveland, OH and we began to attend a bible-teaching church. Despite my profession of faith, I still struggled with porn. In February of 2006, God convicted me to the point where I couldn’t hide it from my wife anymore. Again, I confessed to her and began to take the Setting Captives Free Way of Purity online course, which by God’s grace, helped me find freedom from sexual sin for the first time in nearly twenty years. But, even though I enjoyed victory, I didn’t understand how wicked and deceitful my heart really is and that, apart from Christ, I could easily fall back into old habits. That’s exactly what happened, as I continued to battle porn, alcohol and chewing tobacco for the next two and a half years.

In September of 2008, once more, I confessed my sexual sin to my wife and made a commitment to taking the SCF Way of Purity course again. But more importantly, I acknowledged that I am helpless and hopeless and that I am powerless to break free from the bonds of sexual sin. I learned that the seeds of sexual sin will always remain within me and that, to maintain freedom, I am entirely dependent upon the strength that Jesus is so graciously willing to provide. Well, after completing the course this time, I humbled and awed to say that God has given me the strength to persevere so far. By his grace, I have been free from sexual sin, as well as drunkenness and chewing tobacco. This time around, though, I know that these changes will not be temporary. I don’t mean this in a prideful way. In fact, I admit that, if I was simply relying on my own strength and will power, I would fall victim to my lustful heart today. The difference is that, thanks to God, I understand my utter dependence on the gospel for sustained victory. I praise God because he has changed my heart, miraculously giving me the desire to find satisfaction in my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me. Galatians 2:20